


The terrible fire of old regret (is honey on my tongue)

by ghostybreads



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: All ages but theres like one 'fuck', Bittersweet, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of canon-divergence, Nothing explicit, Post-Finale, can be taken as romantic or platonic, canon relationship with a little gay cass thrown in, set in the few days before cassandra decided to leave, spoilers for tangled the series finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28190217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostybreads/pseuds/ghostybreads
Summary: Guilt, fear, shame and longing echoed through the empty streets of Corona; but there was nothing Cassandra could do to turn back the clock, to reverse the damage she’d caused with her own two hands. There was nothing she could do, nothing will ever be the same for Rapunzel and her ever again. (But just for a moment, she wanted to pretend.) Cassandra aches, regrets, and learns to live with the worst sides of herself in the aftermath of the finale.//MERRY CHRISTMAS SAM!!!!!!!!! IM UR SECRET SANTA. I HOPE U LIKE PAIN. LOVE U!!!! The title is from the Oh Hello's song 'bitter water'!
Relationships: Cassandra & Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled), Cassandra/Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 27





	The terrible fire of old regret (is honey on my tongue)

Villains, Cassandra supposed, didn’t usually get a ‘happily ever after.’ She should have died in that fight.

But she didn’t, and now, she didn’t know where to go from there. Cassandra hadn’t planned making it this far. A biting red fog clouded her vision. She had long accepted that she would fight tooth and nail to prove something (at some point, it became unclear what), and that beyond that… she couldn’t see a future. That was okay.

Until it wasn’t. 

Until Rapunzel whispered the words, ‘I’ll bring you back’, and Cassandra's eyes had fluttered open to a scene of dancing blue and yellow lights, swirling and whisking around her figure. Incredible. Ethereal. That sky that had grown dark and cold, was bright and blue once more, and Cassandra could breathe. Alive. 

This wasn’t anything like those stories. Rapunzel wasn't anything like those heroes. She was nothing like anything, or anyone, Cassandra knew; once she put her mind to something, she was a force of nature that no one could hope to stop. And for some reason, she put her mind to Cassandra. 

She gave her a second chance. Only that Cassandra… didn’t know what to do with that chance, just yet.

If being the villain wasn’t her destiny after all, then what the hell was? Walking through Corona was like poking and prodding an open, raw wound, for both herself and everyone around her that she’d hurt. How could she face them, knowing what she’d done?

How could she move forward?

The night after everything happened, she tried to sleep in her own room. But her eyes couldn’t help catching on her headpiece lying on the bed, where she was sure Rapunzel had put it with care, praying, waiting for her to come back. Had Rapunzel cried in this bed? The same bed she sat on when she tore her room apart with black rocks, laying the ugliest side of her bare for everyone to see.

The King said she could have time to recover, before any decisions were made. His words reflected the way citizens she once protected, now flinch in her presence, the quiet, suffocating atmosphere that fell on any room the moment she entered, and the way mothers held their babies tighter when she’d reach for a sword. She didn’t need to recover. She needed to keep her distance from everyone. They were afraid of her.

She didn’t have the privilege of normality anymore.

Rapunzel was so busy with relief efforts that they barely saw each other that day. In part, also due to Cassandra avoiding her wherever she went. (How could she meet her eyes? Rapunzel would forgive her. She would forgive her, and Cassandra would only hate herself for it all the more.) It was at night, when Rapunzel found her and cornered her in her room, demanding she follow her for a relaxing walk. 

It was so stupidly endearing to threaten someone with a relaxing walk, that Cassandra (equally as stupidly) agreed. It was one thing to walk through hell, and it was another to come out the other side, grown and changed and knowing nothing will ever be the same again. But it was human nature to latch onto the past, to cling to a certainty when you can’t figure out where you stand anymore.

Which was how Cassandra got roped into following Rapunzel through the cold, dark sewers in the middle of the night. So much for a relaxing walk. 

“I should be in bed. I don’t know how you dragged me into this. I need a three year nap, minimum.” Cassandra accusingly threw a side glance at Rapunzel and idly waved the torch in her hand. Rapunzel, presumably to stay in the light (or maybe just to stay beside her while she still could), was pressed close to her shoulder, and seemed completely unconcerned.

Cassandra didn’t know whether she was offended Rapunzel wasn’t listening, or grateful that she wasn’t being treated like a ticking time bomb. 

“That’s a coma. You can’t do that.” Rapunzel whispered back to her, in a low voice, shaking her head disapprovingly. 

“I dunno Raps, sounds pretty festive to me.”

“Keep your voice down! We’ve gotta be sneaky, remember?” Rapunzel put a finger to her own lips, making a shushing down and whisper-yelling. She put one, confident hand on her hip, proud for a reason Cassandra didn’t understand, but found herself utterly fond of nonetheless. 

“Who exactly are you trying to hide from? There’s no guards anywhere, and also, no one would stop you anyway. We could just walk out the main gate.”

“That ruins the fun! Come on, this is gonna be like the first time you snuck me out of the castle,” Rapunzel looped her arm in Cassandra’s, tugging her along with an excited grin. 

“Seriously, what part of ‘sewers’ screams ‘relaxing walk’ to you?” Cassandra grumbled, rolling her eyes with a resigned huff. Their footsteps echoed down the chambers beneath the quiet city, and despite all her complaints, she already felt better being out of the streets, away from (rightfully) cautious gazes.

They reached the exit out to the street, and Cassandra blinked in surprise to see Rapunzel fondling her purple dress side pocket for a screwdriver. When they first snuck out, Cassandra had used a knife to loosen the screws, using the underground passages to escape the castle unnoticed. Rapunzel started to unscrew the vent and pushed it out to the street, winking behind her. “See? I learn.”

“Not bad. Do it ten times faster and I might consider it,” Cassandra joked back, crawling out to the pavement and putting back the vent behind her. The streets of Corona were silent, and destroyed. The houses and shops once filled to the brim with life and colour were falling apart at the seams, the pavement chipped and damaged. How much longer could she walk through the streets, helping the citizens rebuild and acting like she wasn’t the one to destroy everything?

Yet still, Rapunzel managed to smile against it all. Her short, brown hair ruffled against the outdoor breeze, and a few strands that had been cut unevenly blew over her face. Cassandra took a deep breath. She wasn’t alone, not like before.

“Let’s head over the bridge. I think the horses are too tired to join us this time, or at least mine is. All hands on deck, or whatever.” She shrugged idly. Last she heard, Fidella had been transporting materials. Somehow, the horse had been more useful than her. She did miss her, but felt too awkward to bring up wanting to see her.

“Max too, the poor boy. He’s been on Corona’s security, since we’re in a vulnerable state.” Rapunzel sighed, walking down the streets with light feet and outstretched arms. She closed her hands in a fist, as if she was trying to grab the stars, watching the evening sky as she hopped along the cobblestone. Ridiculous. 

But if anyone could catch the stars, it would be Rapunzel. A few had already landed in her eyes.

“Hey, it’s a shame there isn’t a boat left to take us across the river, like last time. It might’ve been a little smoother without the two horses and an owl accompanying us,” Rapunzel added on with a giggle to herself. 

“God, how did we not sink?” Cassandra shook her head in astonishment, only causing Rapunzel to laugh harder. It wasn’t long before Cassandra was joining her. In her laughter, the cool, night air filled her lungs, and for the first time since Cassandra took the moonstone, breathing felt worth it. 

(‘The first time I heard you laugh… It was like I was seeing you, the real you, for the first time.’)

Rapunzel had said that to her. That Cassandra, the one she was laughing with now, was the reason she refused to give up on her. Maybe, slowly but surely, this could work. Things might be okay, eventually. 

“I’m surprised you remember that, though. A lot’s happened since then.” 

“Of course I remember, Cass! Back then, that gesture meant the whole world to me, more than I could ever tell you.” Rapunzel clasped her smaller, gentle hands together, swaying as she walked. “Everyone was great and really nice even though it was a new place to me, but… I guess I felt a little trapped by everything?”

Rapunzel’s gaze dropped to her feet, awkwardly brushing some of her choppy hair behind her ear, only for it to fall right back into her face. “Not a great feeling, particularly for me, as you can probably understand too. You…” She carefully paused, picking her words. “You suffered because of her, too. You get it.” 

Cassandra saw red.

“No. I don’t. She didn’t care about me enough to trap me.” 

Immediately after, the air tasted like salty and bitter regret. Rapunzel’s expression froze, unmoving, until Cassandra worriedly glanced toward her.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought her up. That was… No. Nevermind.” Rapunzel spoke so quickly Cassandra almost missed it, reeling from the instantaneous, pre-prepared response. Like she was expecting rejection, but hoping for understanding. It hurt. The gulf between them was not as mended as it seemed to be on the surface, the holes in the stitching starting to tear. Neither of them mentioned her by name; what she was to them, was too painful, and too raw.

Despite being gone, Gothel had the two of them wrapped around her pinky, twisted and tangled in knots until they couldn’t leave her, couldn’t get her out of their heads. Rapunzel flinched when her real mother would play with her hair, plagued by nightmares of Gothel’s ‘love’ for her. Cassandra got competitive over everything small and petty, desperately wishing to be chosen, loved, by someone. Cassandra cursed herself for not having an explanation that could ease that painful look Rapunzel wore from the topic that they weren’t, and would never be ready for. But, she had nothing. It was expected.

This was Cassandra. She killed everything she touched. The two walked in silence.

Just before they crossed the bridge, Rapunzel gestured for Cassandra to pause and wait up, stopping and reaching down to her feet to slip her shoes off her feet. There was a moment of awkwardness in the air, before Cassandra snorted loudly, barely containing a laugh. It wasn’t long before Rapunzel joined, releasing the tension built up in her chest.

“I knew this new Rapunzel who wears shoes wouldn’t last,” Cassandra commented fondly, temporarily pushing everything aside, to just be a normal knight and best friend again.

“No one can say I didn’t make an effort,” Rapunzel replied light heartedly, leaving them on the Kingdom side of Corona’s bridge, “I did! I really did. Dad wanted me to try harder, since I’ll be Queen soon, so I’ve come around to them!” Cassandra watched her with a growing amusement and disbelief, raising one eyebrow. Rapunzel hated very little, but shoes were certainly on her list, no matter how she tried to say otherwise. A free spirit, down to her core. (Cassandra deserved to be on that list. She didn’t deserve to be here, by her side.)

“Uh-huh. Don’t lie to me, you want to throw them off the bridge.”

“I may have considered it once. Or twice. But! That would be irresponsible!”

“So? Why not be a little irresponsible?”

Rapunzel bit her lip, slowly reaching down and picking up one brown loafer, feeling the leather between her fingers. Weighing up the possibilities in her two hands. She sighed.

“I shouldn’t do this.”

“But you want to.”

The now-brunette paused and laughed, throwing her head back, before shaking it fondly. She hopped forward to get closer to the edge, and with a sudden cheer, she pitted the shoe into the air, grinning ear to ear as it fell into the water with a splash. 

“Woohoo! Yeah!” Rapunzel danced around in a circle, pumping a fist in the air. The sight made Cassandra’s lips involuntarily tilt up, and she thought that perhaps, this how Rapunzel was born to be. That smile she fought so hard to destroy, she found herself longing to protect. And maybe, fighting to deserve the forgiveness she was shown in the soft moments between them, was how Cassandra was made to be.

“This is where you tell me I’m a bad influence,” she joked, as Rapunzel happily strolled off the bridge with a large smile stretched across her face. Rapunzel twisted her head over her shoulder, looking to Cassandra, and nodded.

“This is the part where I say thank you, Cass.”

“Weirdo.”

Across the bridge, Rapunzel’s feet landed on the soft grass, the night wind cascading leaves from the wild toward them. Cassandra reached her wrist up to block her eyes from the wind, catching a glimpse through squinted eyes of how the air ruffled through the princesses clothes, how it circled and swirled perfectly around her. She was well and truly, something else.

“Come on,” Rapunzel shifted from one foot to the other impatiently, excitedly grabbing her hand and taking off away from the path and onto the beaten, forest ground. All Cassandra could do was follow her lead, dead leaves crunching beneath her boots as they ran, and for a moment she couldn’t help thinking that she would follow Rapunzel to the ends of the earth. And that maybe, that wasn’t all that healthy. Once, in the beginning, they had raced through this same path on their horses, leaping and jumping toward the unknown, craving something more out of life than the hand they were given. 

The smile she wore from her momentary distraction left her. She looked around; the path had barely changed. But they had, and oh, how they had changed. They had grown apart in vastly different directions, and in ways that left Cassandra feeling guilty and hollow. What had that craving led her to anyway? It started by running into the forest at night, jumping over Corona’s walls to feel something, to go on an adventure. Where had it ended? It had ended in finding a black and blue rock, one that Cassandra then used to tear Corona to pieces.

Her past-self would be so, so disappointed.

Her throat felt dry. The words she wanted to say got caught in her mouth as a small light whizzed past her side, and then another on her left. She spun around trying to follow them, furrowing her dark brows together, before turning to Rapunzel, who was already somehow holding one. She giggled quietly with a precious, bright smile, practically shoving her clasped hands in Cassandra’s face, the light of the firefly illuminating her grin and Cassandra’s wide eyes. 

“Seriously, how do you do that?”

“You’ve gotta be their friend. You’re just scaring them!”

“Oh, really? I’ve gotta be their friend? My bad, I’ll make sure they’re on the list for my next birthday party,” Cassandra rolled her eyes in a slow, pointed gesture at Rapunzel’s typical do-gooder attitude. Friends with the fireflies… “You’re something else blondie.” 

“Not really blonde anymore though, am I?” 

Rapunzel laughed, and Cassandra joined with a low chuckle, shrugging her shoulders.

“‘Spose not. I was just thinking that. Brunette just doesn’t have the same ring. I’ll work on it, your highness.” At the formality, Rapunzel gave her a light, offended, hit to the shoulder. Around them, the fireflies circled and lit up the patch of grass where they were standing. Nearby, they could hear a few frogs and cicadas, as if humming to the beat of the sound of rushing water. The nickname ‘Sunshine’ came to mind. But Eugene had already copyrighted that. It was also far, far too telling. Too revealing. It said more than Cassandra was willing to say out loud.

“Nope, don’t you dare. I hereby forbid you calling me that!” 

“Of course. Whatever you say, your royal highness.”

“Cassandra!” 

Cassandra cackled, smirking, stepping away from her and through the bushes before the moment went too far, before it inevitably got one of them hurt. As she pushed aside some vegetation, she put a cautious hand to the sword on her back, resting it there and scanning the area. A knight's protective instinct, or something of such. She was surprised she still had it, after all the blood that ran down the streets by her own hands.

Rapunzel, as she always did, pushed forward without a care in the world, jumping out through the thick greenery and onto the edge of a long, shallow lake. She picked up the edge of her dress, and started to walk through, hopping across stones and wading through the clear, fresh water. Cass hesitantly followed along the bank, watching as the fireflies seemed to create a trail of light that would have once rivalled her golden hair behind her.

Rapunzel danced around the shallow water fish, looking up to Cassandra with a smile, like she was exactly where she was meant to be. Cassandra fondly watched from the riverbank, preferring to remain dry and with her shoes on, crossing her arms over her chest. Or she was, until Rapunzel had the bright idea to splash her.

“Oh, you little-”

Cassandra swept up a rock from the side, skidding it toward Rapunzel. It bounced four times, before dropping near rapunzel, creating a ripple in the blues and greens of the water that splashed up to her dress. 

Rapunzel, being Rapunzel, didn’t even pretend to be upset.

“Wow! That was so cool, Cass!” 

“Oh, uh. Dad taught me.” Cassandra, suddenly self-conscious, raised a hand to the back of her neck. Leave it to Rapunzel to compliment someone trying to spite you.

Rapunzel continued to play in the water, walking amongst the water lilies and greeting all the frogs and fish she came across, while Cassandra froze in her tracks. Really, what right did she have, to playfully jab at her? What right did she have to even be standing by her, watching her run her wet hands through her hair, water dripping down her bright cheeks and green eyes? This scene, this feeling- it wasn’t meant for her. 

“Hey, wasn’t there a waterfall you took me to last time? Do you remember the way?” All of a sudden, Rapunzel was in front of her at the bank of the small pond with excited, curious, and forgiving eyes. Cassandra stepped away. 

“Oi, don’t get me wet too. And yeah, yeah, I still know the way.”

Rapunzel fell quietly in line, following Cassandra down the stream, until they reached a rock face. The sky blue water crashed down onto the different, angled levels, white foam bubbling over the edges down into the stream. Birds that had come to drink from the stream chirped near the top, and the sound of the water trickling down was like that of wind chimes blowing in the summer heat.

“This is beautiful, Cass,” Rapunzel sighed wistfully from behind her, while Cassandra easily hopped atop one of the slippery rocks, starting to climb to a better view. She’d been doing it since she was a kid, when her dad showed her first. (She was so lucky. Her dad raised her and taught her everything she knew… So why couldn’t she be more like him? Why did she turn out like her?) “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad you’re home.” 

Home. That was a big word, with big consequences. 

Cassandra had nothing to say to that, offering out a hand down to Rapunzel. Her hand was warm and gentle, even after everything they’d been through, everything Cassandra had done to tear that soft, unconditional care apart. Anyone else would have already lost their footing and slipped in the terrain, especially royalty, but the princess held steady, those bare feet of hers holding an unexpected iron grip. She was tough. She always had been.

Rapunzel was incredible. Cassandra couldn’t help falling short, it was no wonder she felt like she couldn’t measure up, trying to control Rapunzel’s destiny just to fabricate the feeling that she had one of her own. Screw fate this, and destiny that. All she knew was that she didn’t want to hurt Rapunzel anymore.

“Listen, about earlier… What you brought up…”

Cassandra took a deep breath, facing away and crouching down near the edge of the rock. She shook the water droplets out of her hair that had come from the running waterfall beside them.

“I’m sorry, Raps. I… That was uh, long overdue. I was angry at everyone, at my uh… mother, at myself, and I took it out on you.” Cassandra raised a hand to her neck, clutching it an unusual gesture of insecurity. Laying her feelings bare was something Gothel had told her to forget. Hold out your heart, and it’ll be stomped on. She bit down on her lip, hard enough to bruise and stain, the colours that bled into the soft skin matching her own outfits. Cassandra really needed a new wardrobe. A new… everything. Where did you start? Where could you?

“I guess- I guess that if that’s what her love was like, then I’m lucky my own mother never loved me at all.”

Cassandra pretended that the vulnerability was an act of rebellion, of spite, against Gothel and what she’d taught her. It was harder to admit that she desperately needed to tell someone, that she wanted help, even more so when she knew that she didn’t deserve it.

Her words hit their mark on Rapunzel, too, and it wasn’t long before her tears rivalled that of the real waterworks beside them. Rapunzel knelt down on the cool rock behind her, wrapping her hands around her and resting her head on the crook of her shoulder. She didn’t fear to touch her, to hold her and cry into her shoulder with empathy, and that precious trust of hers was placed in Cassandra’s hands, hands that only knew how to break and destroy.

“I’m sorry too, Cass. You’re my best friend.”

“What are you even apologising for? Idiot.” Cassandra hesitated, her mind stuttering for a response to the affection that wasn’t to fight or to run. She settled with doing nothing. 

“I don’t know. It’s just… not fair. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Neither did you.”

Rapunzel, without letting go, leant forward to position her head tilted beside her. She gave a cautious, but real, smile. Cassandra had grown up knowing she couldn’t reach the stars that were hung in the sky so tauntingly far away. But for a moment, it felt like they were right in front of her, shining in green. Cassandra’s eyes softened, and they smiled back all on their own.

Rapunzel let go in favour of sitting beside her, her legs dangling over the edge and kicking into the water, wiping her eyes with her wrist and lightly laughing. Cassandra had a lot of apologies to make up for, it seemed.

“Sorry. Again. For uh, making you cry.”

“No, thank you, again, Cass. Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me. That’s why I uh, wanted to sneak you out this time. To repay the favour, help you take a break when it gets overwhelming, like you did for me.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

“You can’t make everything back like it was. We’re never going to be the same… Nothing will”

Cassandra looked away, her eyes catching on the distant kingdom (or rather, the rubble of it). Rapunzel placed her hand gently over the top of her own.

“I know that too. But whatever the future does hold, I want you in it.”

Somehow, that didn’t make her feel any better. Her heart felt tight in her chest, like with every breath she drew, she picked up the hate and anger of everyone around her. Like her lungs were designed to suffocate, not to breathe. She couldn’t die, and she couldn’t live, stuck in limbo with everything that was too good for her, everything she didn’t deserve. 

“I wish I could rewrite history, and change everything for you. You don’t deserve to be remembered as a villain.”

Cassandra hated that thought. Erasing what she did, would never erase the pain it caused. She got exactly what she gave, and the people had every right to be angry. Rapunzel should be angry. Anger, she could deal with, understand.

It was forgiveness, she struggled with.

“Okay, enough, Raps. Don’t give me sympathy. I was a villain, of course people will remember that.”

“You’re not a villain, Cassandra, you never were. What about Varian? Everyone forgave him!” 

Rapunzel tried to include a hopeful tone to her voice, but she frowned deeply in sympathy and concern, only causing Cassandra to rip away from her hold. She didn’t need pity, goddamnit. She was an adult, and she could face the consequences of her actions like everyone else. What couldn’t she see? Rapunzel may have forgiven her, but it would be a long time before Cassandra forgave herself. Before everyone else in the kingdom forgave her, too.

(Where did she go from here? How could she go? How could she stay?)

“Varian is a literal child, who wanted to save his old man. Not even remotely similar.”

“You were just… You were…” Rapunzel struggled, waving her hands in the air as if she was begging for just a little more time, begging for Cassandra to just hold on a second. Cassandra stood up, every step punching her in the gut. Rapunzel was too kind, too good, and it hurt, it hurt that she would defend Cassandra to high hell even after everything. If even the positive Rapunzel couldn’t think of anything to say, she believed her point was made. 

Cassandra found herself thinking that a lot, recently. After ‘everything’. She did so much it was hard to name it all. She didn’t make one mistake, like Rapuznel seemed to think. She didn’t slip and trap Rapunzel in a cave, or clumsily press the wrong button and release an ancient demon. Of course she regretted it all, more than she could express to anyone, only able to repeat sorry over and over mindlessly, the pain too much to articulate in any other word. Nothing could change what she did. 

“I was a war criminal.”

“You were misunderstood!”

“No. I messed up, Raps. I really did.” 

“Cass… Don’t be so hard on yourself, you were manipulated. That wasn’t you.” 

Rapunzel tried to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but Cassandra was quick to shrug it off.

“Stop making excuses for me! That was me, all me. That was the ugliest side of me, but it was me. And it cost you your kingdom. You’re going to be a Queen! There’ll be riots if you keep giving ‘get out of jail free’ cards to all your friends.”

“You are not a villain Cassandra!” Rapunzel yelled back, almost as frustrated as the time she couldn’t get Monty to like her. She never lost her persistence, at least. “Even if you insult people when you’re scared, you’re still not a villain!” 

Rapunzel only ever yelled at her to defend her, was only ever upset on her behalf. Something about that grated at her insides. Cassandra couldn’t accept her forgiveness until Rapunzel forgave her, knowing and accepting the full truth of what she did, until she acknowledged even the worst parts of her.

“I wanted you to suffer, Rapunzel! I wanted to hurt you!” 

“And you did.” 

It was starting to feel like the worst parts of her were all Cassandra knew about herself. She shouldn’t have said that. Rapunzel smiled weakly, stepping up toward her. Cassandra didn’t have the strength to walk away.

“Did you get what you wanted out of it? Did it make you feel better?”

“… No. Gods, no.”

Cassandra teared up, stepping backwards, hiccuping and quickly wiping her eyes. When fighting didn’t work, all she knew how to do was run, run away. Of course this confrontation was bound to happen. What she said now could make or break everything she knew, and she couldn’t think straight with the pounding fears starting to build inside her the more Rapunzel denied it.

Did she deny it because she couldn’t forgive Cassandra if she realised that the monster with the moonstone was a part of her too?

“You’re right. I’m scared. I’m scared it’ll happen again. I’m scared that I’ll never be free of my mum, that I’m destined to be a shitty person like her. How can anyone trust me? I let you down. I let my dad down. I just wanted to be good enough. I’m scared you won’t forgive me when you realise that I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway!” The cracks in the wall she’d built were expanding and aching, the vulnerable parts of herself slipping through and no matter how hard she tried to pick up the pieces, she couldn’t stop it. Cassandra was not a machine, though oh, how she wished she was. She was human, human and hurting more than she’d let on. The ancient demon was defeated, but it would be a long time before she silenced her own. 

“Wait, no, hold on- CASS!” 

Cassandra stepped back, overwhelmed and not thinking or looking around her, when Rapunzel shrieked and the edge of the rock crumbled just slightly. The damp surface and unstable surface got the better of her boots, quickly sending her backwards over the edge. Everything was wet and cold, the waterfall harshly batting against her chest, shoving her down faster. Rapunzel scrambled over, desperately reaching out her hand and screaming her name over and over like a prayer.

Cassandra didn’t have time to react or reach back, falling with the cold air whipping against her skin and she was scared, there wasn’t enough air, where did all the air go? The ground was close and close and closer and it was cold, cold, wet-

She screamed, instinctively curling in and bracing herself for the impact, tightly shutting her eyes, when she landed against something hard but thin, rolling off it onto something else before landing safely (though battered and aching). When she cautiously blinked opened her eyes, the stair-like clifface around the waterfall was completely overtaken by a kaleidoscope of black rocks exploding from every direction. The spikes glowed a sky blue at the tips, and had formed a landing for her, overlapping each other below her, just above the ground. 

Cassandra took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. She had kind of hoped they wouldn’t still be there when she opened them. In the time it took for her to recover her thoughts and mind, lying and feeling the water against her skin, Rapunzel was already clambering down the black rocks to reach where Cassandra was. 

“You…” Rapunzel’s voice struggled and failed as she approached, dropping to her knees beside her. Cassandra flinched. This was going to look… really bad, wasn’t it? Would Rapunzel be angry? No, aside from that, what the hell? What the fuck?

“It’s not what it looks like. I wasn’t keeping it from you, I didn’t know, I-”

“You’re safe.”

She blinked in surprise. Rapunzel let out a choked sob, burying her head in her chest, her arms shaking. Cassandra’s safety… was more important to her than any revelation about the black rocks. Of course it was. This was Rapunzel, of course… 

“Never scare me like that again! Cassandra, please, I can’t. I thought I’d lost you again.” 

Cassandra patted her back quietly as she sat up, looking around. Behind Rapunzel's back, she tried slowly lifting a finger, glaring at one spot on the ground. No matter how hard she focused, there was nothing, and it wasn’t long before the spikes around them began to recede back into the earth. They both crashed the small distance from the spikes to the small pool of water below, now both completely soaked through. Rapunzel sat up in the water, smiling at Cassandra and letting out a small laugh, like anything about this situation was laughable.

Rapunzel leaned over, reaching forward hesitantly, and when Cassandra showed no sign of retreating, she brushed a strand of her damp black hair behind her ear. There was silence, even from the birds. The moment was ruined when Cassandra shook the water out of her hair, rapidly swinging her head and splashing it all on Rapunzel. Rapunzel used her hands to block her eyes, making a high-pitched sound of surprise.

“Ohhhhhhh, you! You did that on purpose!” Rapunzel gasped, holding back a smile from her face and pretending to look upset.

“Absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, princess.” 

Cassandra smirked without even thinking about it. She wished things could remain like that forever.

“… Okay, okay, jokes aside. Should we talk about what just happened?” Rapunzel stood up, trying to peel her wet dress off her skin. 

“Uh… no? Can we pretend that didn’t happen, actually?”

“How about what you admitted to me right before?”

“... Also no?”

Rapunzel shot Cassandra an unimpressed look. It was worth a try, she thought with an idle shrug. 

“Can we go somewhere dry and warm first before I have to open up emotionally again? I’m sure the King can forgive the whole destroying the Kingdom thing, but I’ll definitely be on thin ice if I make you catch a cold.”

“Cass!” 

“Yeah, not sorry still. Come on.” Cassandra stood up after and headed over to the bank of the shallow river, firstly taking her sword out of its sheath and emptying the water that had pooled inside. Cassandra tried to act normal, to be overly un-bothered and calm, to pretend that her whole world didn’t just shift beneath her. “Damnit, hope this won’t rust.”

Rapunzel followed, leading on ahead with light feet and a soft gesture. 

“You’re right. We can build a fire first, and talk about things whenever you’re ready. Close to the wall is the best place, there’s a big clearing there with some old logs to sit on. The stars are really beautiful from there too! No pressure, okay?”

Cassandra was really, dangerously starting to believe that Rapunzel meant it. The two of them walked a short distance through the woods, finding a small, beaten path with pale green trees hanging over them and obscuring the sky. Rapunzel took the beauty in everything, dancing along the path and reaching her hands up as tall as she could muster to reach the dangling leaves and brush them.

There were a few, even on the tips of her toes, that she couldn’t reach. Cassandra just happened to be walking close by, grabbing Rapunzel’s wrist and using the extra height she had on the princess to pull her up to touch it. The smile on Rapunzel’s face would be worth it every time.

Rapunzel snaked her hand down to clasp Cassandra’s, taking her other hand and pulling her along to walk around in circles, facing one another. 

“What’re you even doing? There’s no music,” Cassandra protested, but with a stupidly fond smile on her face. Rapunzel defiantly shook her head. 

“We don’t need music!”

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with ‘takes every situation as an opportunity to burst into song’ Rapunzel of Corona.”

Rapunzel childishly poked out her tongue, before giggling and taking Cassandra into a simple box step. Cassandra looked down to her feet, trying to keep up. Rapunzel didn’t make it any easier by randomly improving moves and directions with the whims of her heart. 

“Hmm… Not bad.” Rapunzel hummed thoughtfully, with a mischievous glint in her eye. She tilted her head forward to say, “do it ten times faster and I might consider it.”

Rapunzel would be the death of her, of that, Cassandra was sure.

At the clearing by the well-worn and torn up wall, there was a set of discarded logs around the patch of grass. Rapunzel immediately went to grab one, starting heaving it across to a better location on her own with all the strength she could muster in her thin arms, before Cassandra could get a word in to help. It was difficult to tell if she was insanely strong, or just insanely determined. Maybe both. 

“I’ll get the kindling, then, I guess,” Cassandra shrugged, contenting herself to pick up the nearby branches and sticks, making a small pile beside the array of logs Rapunzel had gathered and was positioning in a diamond around the centre. Should she break it to her? Probably. “By the way… There’s only two of us. We don’t really need that many logs.”

“But it’s more fun this way! Like a fire night!”

Rapunzel grinned, while Cassandra eyed the set-up skeptically. 

“Humour me, Cass. I never got to have this stuff as a kid.” And, really, who could argue with that? “Oh! I’ll light the fire.”

On their travels, Cassandra was usually setting up the fires, being the only one in the group with any real survival skills. Eugene liked to pretend he did, but he couldn’t even do a basic rope lashing. Loser. She tentatively sat down on one of the logs, watching Rapunzel grab two nearby stones and work at banging them together. Cassandra bit back her laughter, watching her valiant efforts, but eventually couldn’t hold it in.

“Princess, raps… you can’t just use any two random stones. You have to have a flint stone.” Cassandra swiped one that she’d found in the forest earlier, already figuring this would happen. “Try this. And don’t just bang them. Swipe it.”

Rapunzel took the note on board quickly and tried again. It took her a good 5 tries before she managed to get a spark, which flew into the air and fizzled out. Rapunzel was always a quick learner, though she looked a little disappointed that the fire wasn’t lit. Cassandra decided it was a good enough job for now, and crouched down beside her to help out. After the fire got going, Cassandra lay her sword nearby to dry, along with her coat and boots (after she properly emptied any water from them.) Rapunzel just sat close to the fire, holding her hands out toward it with a smile. 

It was really too easy. The fire wasn’t big, but it was enough, the orange and yellow flickers reflecting its warmth onto their skin, crackling through the kindling. Rapunzel didn’t ask anything, didn’t probe for more than Cassandra was willing to offer. She trusted her. Cassandra wanted to trust her, too. 

“I tried to use the black rocks again after I fell. I can’t. I don’t think I can do it on command.” Cassandra offered up, standing. Rapunzel hummed in curiosity.

“What do you think brought it back on? We should investigate the site again, for clues.”

“Mm. Just in case, sure. But… I’m not sure it ever left. You cut your hair, but it never really left for you before either. Maybe… the power was more than the stones to begin with?” Cassandra theorized, slowly articulating what had been at the back of her mind ever since, a shadow falling over her face. She didn’t want to be the monster she felt like with the moonstone anymore. She didn’t want to hurt Rapunzel anymore. That wasn’t her. That wasn’t the destiny she chose, the second chance she was given.

“Raps, I honestly… don’t want it back.”

“I know, Cass.” 

Cassandra quietly paced around in circles, walking away from the campfire to catch a breath, the silence starting to ache like an old wound torn open. She found herself gravitating toward a large, broken gap in the wall on the ground, just a little taller than her. That made sense. She did this, after all. Looking out outside the wall, she felt a strange sense of longing to be away from all the reminders of what happened. Corona was where she was meant to be though… wasn’t it? Why did it feel like she didn’t want to go back?

Cassandra barely noticed Rapunzel quietly joining her, leaning against the other side of the wall and breathing out deeply.

“So, your first time, losing your powers and getting them back just when you think they’re gone forever, huh? Welcome to the club,” Rapunzel broke the silence with a joke. Cassandra snorted, her head tilting backwards.

“Do members get anything out of it?”

“Honestly? No. It sucks.” 

Cassandra met her eyes, and found a truthful sympathy, but also real amusement in them. She smiled, before her eyes drifted back outward. 

“I don’t think the rocks are the only mystery I need to figure out. Raps, I don’t even know myself anymore. I didn’t think I was capable of what I did. I didn’t even realise how badly it was eating me up to always feel… second best.” She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. Rapunzel shuffled a little closer, putting an arm around her. “I think… I need to do something. Go somewhere. I’m just not sure where.”

“Do you have to know where?” Rapunzel responded, though there was something forced to her tone. Like she knew what she had to say, and what she wished she wanted to say, instead of how she felt. “If there’s something pulling you out there, then… You should go.” 

“You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“What? No!” Rapunzel quickly backtracked, shaking her head. She couldn’t meet her eyes. Oh, how the tables had turned, in the worst way of all. “I… Cass. This is good for you. Okay?” 

For once, Cassandra hugged her first, and Rapunzel quickly joined with soul-crushing strength. Just how Cassandra liked it. Just how she would miss it. In a way, she felt that Rapunzel had never truly lost her power. Cassandra knew her strength was never in her magic hair. It was in her bravery, her fearlessness; she was emotional, cared endlessly for others and refused to give up on anyone, even when she probably should have, and even when they deserved to be left behind.

She was so… perfect, in all the curves of her body and the marks of her skin in the low lighting, in the bright and twinkling eyes reserved for secrets whispered under covers, in all the ways Cassandra shouldn’t allow herself to know. It was dizzying. She couldn’t stay like this forever, always wondering and always hesitating. Cassandra couldn’t know anyone else, until she knew herself, first. 

And perhaps, once she returned, she could face Corona’s walls with her head held high.

“I’ll miss you, so, so much, but you still have to go, okay? Don’t worry about me, just write us letters when you can, and look after yourself, and make sure you have lots of food before you leave, and-” 

“You too, Raps.” Cassandra cut off her worried ramble and fondly chuckled into her hair, that still smelt like the sun. “I’ll miss you too.”

“We should… get back to the castle soon, shouldn’t we? You need to rest, if you’re leaving soon.” Rapunzel laughed weakly into her shoulder.

“Yeah, probably.”

Neither of them let go. Cassandra couldn’t help feeling like something was coming to an end, to a close. But maybe that meant something was beginning, too. She needed to leave, for herself and for Rapunzel, separately. At least when they had been enemies, their fates had always been intertwined, rotating around each other in the sky. With this decision, they would truly embody the sun and the moon. Never meeting the other in the middle, always just one step away. (For now, for now.)

The midnight forest echoed the words they knew better than to speak (yet).

“I just need some time. Wait for me, Raps.”

“For you? Always.”


End file.
